


Slow Dancing in the Dark

by dropdeaddeadass



Series: kinktober 2020 [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Comfort Sex, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Gryffindor Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Kinktober 2020, Older Man/Younger Woman, Pain, Reader is 18, Ruined Orgasm?, Scars, Slow Dancing, Teacher-Student Relationship, Vaginal Sex, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:48:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26893948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dropdeaddeadass/pseuds/dropdeaddeadass
Summary: After the struggle that was his most recent shift under the full moon, Lupin is forced to be the bearer of bad news, that affects the both of you differently.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Characters, Remus Lupin/Reader, Remus Lupin/You
Series: kinktober 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955581
Kudos: 110





	Slow Dancing in the Dark

You'd grown used to the howling over time. Every month or so like clockwork he'd take his leave from teaching to spend a few days holed up in that shack, which you always argued was not the place he should be spending his transformations. Remus always thought you'd never come back, breaking off the relationship, thinking you finally got scared, and every time you came back to him, bearing chocolate. 

He'd always thank you, but still the feelings of doubt lingered for him. He had gotten over the difference in power dynamics between you two fairly quickly, but drew the line at you dating a werewolf. He was soft, caring and intelligent, but he always described himself as a monster, evil and corrupt. 

This month his shift had been different though, you could tell that much from his demeanor when he was safely back on school grounds. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley had tracked him down like game in a hunt and Sirius Black had been the placeholder for yourself. You had paced the entire night, and had felt awful when you went to visit him the next morning. 

Your heart ached for him, crouched over his desk, with new scars formed over his face that hadn't been cleaned. "Remus,"

He kept his head down, "It's alright, I've been in worse shape before, love."

"That doesn't mean I still can't worry." You moved to be beside him, dropping down to his desk and fiddling with the handle on one of the draws. "Can you look at me Remus?" Your voice was soft, made even softer by the silence in his classroom. When he finally did raise his head to look out you, you forced yourself to bite down on your tongue. If you gasped at him, you knew it would make him feel worse by default. "You should see Madame Pomfrey Rem-"

"I'm fine, Y/N. You should get to breakfast."

Your lips were pressed into a thin line, swallowing thickly you asked, "Remus. You're not fine. Can I walk you to the Hospital Wing? Please."

"I'm fine, Y/N. Now go, I'm sure you're hungry, dear." 

As mangled as Remus appeared, he was still as stubborn when it came to you looking after him. You sighed, "Can I at least have a hug before I go?" 

He managed a small smile at that, which you took as a yes. You bent down to his level and wrapped your arms around him. He felt stiff and hesitant in your arms as you swooped down. He tapped you on the shoulder softly, causing you to remove your arms and return to a standing position. "I'll see you later, Remus."

He hummed, turning his attention to his desk. "Come by after dinner, love,"

You offered him a small smile, before turning your back and sneaking from his classroom, worry and caution dripping off you. You managed to join a majority of the student body as they began to file into the Great Hall for breakfast, black robes blending into one giant mass. When you sat down you could only pick at your food, sipping a glass of juice occasionally. You felt ill, knowing that you couldn't help Remus, even if you tried. You left the Gryffindor table abruptly and began your descent to your first period class, potions. 

When you were seated and Snape came walking in you yawned. Pacing all night in the common room and dorms wasn't the best idea, but you couldn't help it. A worn book primarily used for hitting misbehaving students on the head as punishment was slammed in front of you on the desk. "There is no time to yawn, Miss Y/L/N." You groaned and fetched your materials from your bag below you. 

At the center of the room Snape preached his lesson, which unfortunately caught your attention. "Today we will be learning about the potion... Wolfsbane." 

Your jaw clenched and your eyes narrowed, a Hufflepuff from you year asked tentatively, "Didn't we learn this a few years ago, sir?"

"Yes. But with the most recent full moon, I am being made to teach it again. There was a werewolf on sight last night." He drawled. Each of his words hung in the air for a moment. Anxiety filled your chest, _had Snape seen Lupin? Had he accompanied Lupin when he transformed?_ Your mind raced but you attempted to maintain the appearance that you could care less about his teachings when in fact you were trying to piece last nights events together. 

Snape barely let on to what had happened, but he did muse over Sirius Blacks escape. In your extensive night-time talks with Remus he often doted on Sirius, and James Potter for that matter. You often just let him talk, even if you were bordering slumber, you tried to keep awake and listen to the man ramble, about his past, of his friends and unfortunately of Severus Snape. 

The post-sex ravings of your professor always kept you content. You'd trace your fingers along the scars of his chest as he talked about Sirius, or James, never of Peter though, and you were thankful for that. Sometimes it was more focused on you, what you liked or disliked, your favorite food or even just your day. You treasured your time with Remus, knowing that he had a tendency to up and leave in awkward or stressing situations. But the excitement you felt knowing it was your last year and could freely and openly date Remus outside of Hogwarts' hallowed halls in just a few months was motivating and kept you grounded. 

The book landed on your desk again, snapping you back to reality. "Ten points from Gryffindor, for not paying attention Miss Y/L/N." You scowled and tried your best to pay attention to the rest of the lesson. 

* * *

By the time nightfall came around you were speeding off down the halls of Hogwarts, skipping dinner once you noticed Remus wasn't sitting in his chair. You could only hope that he'd caved and taken your advice to see Pomfrey but first decided to check his classroom. You were right to do so, noticing him standing alone, but by the window. You shut the classroom door quietly behind you, edging closer to him quietly as to not spook him. "Remus?" 

He turned, hands in his pockets, "Hello, love." He seemed somber, offering the quip of a small smile. You walked towards him, somewhat relieved to see him smiling. "How was your day?" 

You answered him as you wrapped your arms around his torso, snuggling into the warmth of his body. "Was alright, couldn't stop thinking 'bout you, wanted to make sure you were alright." Your words were muffled slightly by the fabric of his coat. 

"You shouldn't worry. It'll be over soon anyway." 

Your brows furrowed and you looked up. Remus couldn't stop staring outside, the full moon was gone yes, but the waning phases had begun and he was entranced by it. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm leaving Hogwarts, Snape's seen me keeping Sirius safe." Your jaw clenched and you pulled him tighter. "It's okay, love, once we're out of here I can tell you everything."

For a moment you let the abrupt news sink in, Remus, leaving Hogwarts? "When do you go?" You finally asked. His hands rested at the small of your back, and you could tell he didn't want to look at you, rather he was fixated on the moon. 

"Tomorrow night. I'm sorry it has to be this way, love." 

You pushed him back, "Tomorrow? Remus I-"

"I know. Come 'ere, love."

You didn't move, tears threatening to fall. Your lip quivered as he made motions to envelop you into another hug. You refused, wriggling away from his hands. "What does this mean for us, Remus? I wanted to see you at my graduation day. Wanted to you to see me," You shakily said, your own arms coming up to cross at your chest. 

"I know, Y/N, I'll be there, I promise." 

"Does this mean we're over?" You quietly questioned, unsure if Remus could even hear you. The salty drop of tears began to fall. It always had to be hard between you two, from sneaking around behind other staff members backs and running the risk of being caught you'd grown exhausted of the lying. Remus was never completely sure that you _loved_ him regardless of how many times you said so. That mixed with the monthly battle within himself and now the new distance that would be between you would surely cause more strain on your relationship but you hoped and prayed it didn't mean he would leave Hogwarts and never see you again. 

"Merlin no, come here." He ushered you into his arms, shushing you as you began to quietly sob, "No, no, I would never do that, love, it's alright, you're alright." Now you faced the moon, and he faced the other side of the classroom, head pressed into your neck. 

You felt like a child in his arms, cared for, looked after but small nonetheless. "It's because of Snape, isn't it?"

Remus sighed, pulling back and looking you in the eyes, "Partly yes, But Harry, Hermione and Ron saw me change - and Sirius will need help getting back on his feet." 

Your lips contorted. "When I graduate, I want to help you. I want to be with you." 

Remus just mused, not answering your question. You knew it would be harder once you left school. You'd have to eventually tell your parents and have them meet Remus, a man almost double your age and your professor. You understood that he didn't want to give you an answer full of empty promises he couldn't make, or could fufil but the silence was unnerving. 

"I- I don't know what to say Remus, you're leaving so soon."

"We could start with not saying goodbye. I'll be seeing you very soon, I won't be gone forever." There was a gentle sway to his hug.

"And to think I was coming up here to make sure you were alright, to check up on you from this morning, but now I get this news dropped on me..." You trailed off, joining him in the gentle sway of his movements. You glanced up, eyes glossy, "Tell me you're alright.." Even in the darkness you could map the scars of his face, but you knew there were likely more new ones you hadn't the chance to find yet. You reached a tenative hand up to brush his face, your fingers delicately cupping his cheek. 

"Lets not worry about that now, love," He moved his hand to cup yours, bringing it down so he could lace his fingers with yours. "We've got a whole lifetime for you to find my scars." 

"A whole lifetime," You repeated, smiling.

"Yes, Y/N, a whole lifetime, so long as you'll have me." He trailed off. 

You scoffed. "Of course I will Remus."

The two of you swayed under the moonlight pouring through his classrooms windows, staying close and thinking in silence. That said silence was only broken when Remus mummed a few words to the top of your head. You glanced up, "You alright, Remus?"

"Perfect. Just don't want to lose you." His eyes were softened, like they were that morning, but they were also glassy. 

"Oh Remus," You got onto your tippy toes and kissed him softly. "I love you, you know. I hate seeing you cry." His lips crinkled, tears pricking at his eyes. He huffed and managed a smile. 

The mountain of emotions would one way or another come crashing down, but you knew you could probably outlast him. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his coat and cleared his throat. "Come on, Y/N, let me dance with you, let me share this last night with you in a happier mood." 

"We've got no music," You pointed out as Lupin took your hand in his, and his other remained at your hip. You let your free hand rise up to his shoulder, when your curled your fingers around the nape of his neck. 

"We've been swaying for the past half hour without any music and you didn't complain then, Y/N." He wiggled his eyebrows at you, leading you to giggle and throw your head back. 

"I suppose so," Giggling when he accidentally stepped on your foot, Remus seemed to finally settle and replaced the somber thin line of his lips with a joyous, full smile. 

When the dance began to slow you took the opportunity to look at your lover, at his scars and the way they fell over his face, at his hair and how it hung just barely in front of his eyes and his mouth most of all. Remus noticed your staring and raised one brow, "What're you thinking about love, you look fixated."

"Just how beautiful you look, and how much I'm going to miss seeing your face everyday." You sighed, "I'm sorry, I didn't want to ruin our dance." You supplied quickly after. 

"It's alright. You look tired above all else."

"I was up all night pacing, haven't eaten much today. I skipped dinner to come find you." You admitted. He sighed, dropping his hands. 

"Best we get to bed then, hmm?" 

You smiled, never one to miss an opportunity to relax or rest, or dare you say, play in Lupins private quarters, you followed him up the short flight of stairs to his private office. You heard the door lock behind you as he opened the door to his suite. Again the door locked behind you.

It dawned on you that tonight would be the last time you'd ever be in this room. In the middle of the room was a decadent but worn four-poster bed, larger than the one you slept in at your dorm. It's sheets were still neat and pristine, which told you that Lupin hadn't come back until the early hours of dawn, and had spent much of his transformation in the shrieking shack. Across the room was a standing mirror covered in grime, a window partially closed by thick curtains and a long dresser underneath it. On the other side of the room was another small table and chair, a stack of trunks and used bags, and the door to the absolutely _tiny_ bathroom.

Your legs moved you to the edge of the bed where you sat down. Lupin, now with his itchy coat off reached into his draws, before pulling out one of your school ties. "I think you might have some things to take back, love. I've got shirts, skirts, socks, nightclothes, _oh!_ A surprise?" He teased, pulling out each item of clothing and setting them on the top of the dresser. The last item, the surprise was a pair of lacy knickers. You blushed, standing and striding over to him to take them back. 

"You know that I like to keep spares of everything here, so I don't get caught in my uniform if I ever spend the night on a weekend." You said sheepishly. The fact you would have to take all these clothes back to your own dorm saddened you. 

"Oh come here you, we'll leave the issue of clothes for tomorrow morning." You smiled at that, sighing. "Come on, best get you to sleep."

You nodded, shedding your school robe, hanging it over the bed end. The process of getting undressed when Lupin was in the room was more often than not done hastily and rushed, layers flying everywhere as you both tried to get your hands on each other as fast as you could. The night after Remus' transformation was always slow and careful to not cause either one of you pain. 

Your hands flew up to your shirt, unbuttoning it without paying attention to what you were doing. You peeled the white shirt off your body, the tie following suit. You assumed you were taking too long when you found only silence in the room. Your bit your lip and made quick work on your skirt when you heard the soft sigh from behind you. "One thing I'll miss the most about teaching is this," Remus leant up against the dresser, taking ample glances at your partly exposed body. 

"Don't remind me, I'll miss not being able to sleep in this bed."

"Just sleeping in that bed?" He winked and pushed himself off the dresser. 

You giggled, "You cheeky man, trying to coax something out of me?" 

"Perhaps."

You rolled your eyes playfully rolling your skirt and underwear off in one go. You walked past Remus in order to gather the nightclothes he oh so delicately placed out for you, stepping into the flimsy pair of pajama pants. You knew he was staring at you as you walked, and when you sat down on his bed again you finished changing, swapping your bra for a worn jumper of his. You sat perched on the bed, "Come on now, Professor, you can't be getting cold feet now can you?" You chuckled, moving up toward the pile of pillows at the bedhead, ready to snuggle under the weight of the blankets. 

He looked frightened, and hollow. "Love, I know it pains you when I do this bu-"

"It's alright, tap me on the shoulder when you're in bed." You butted in, a rehearsed line escaping your lips. Remus, as caring and heartfelt as he was was forever insecure of his appearance, and you supposed he'd gained new scars since last night. You closed your eyes willingly and you heard the shuffle of fabric, and then the slow pace of his steps on the stone floor. 

When the bed dipped next to you, your eyes creaked open. His pale skin was illuminated by the slim moonlight, red and orange and white scars present. Your natural instinct was to reach out and trace them, but you hesitated, something Remus noticed. Under the safety of the covers you looked at him, chest on display, anywhere below his hips covered by the blanket. You shuffled closer to him, coming to hook your right arm over his stomach, leaning your head in the crook between his chest and shoulder. 

"We'll be alright, Y/N," He said, voice uneven. "I'll see you before you know it." Even though he was reassuring you that nothing would change, it sounded like he was saying it more to himself. 

You swallowed thickly, hands touching his chest with feather-light fingers. "Still hurts though, knowing I can't see you. Hurts that I won't be there to help you transform, I want you to be safe." Though you were sure Sirius would replace you for a few months while you were still in school, helping Remus brew Wolfsbane the best he could. You sat up slightly, elbow dipping into the mattress and hand on your head, "I'm gonna miss you so much." Your lip quivered. He hushed and cooed, sitting upright and motioning for you to sit in his lap. 

"It's not goodbye Y/N, I'll come get you once this year is over. I might ask Albus for a secret invitation to your graduation." He offered, arms slipping up your sweater to rest at your hips. You curled your arms around his neck, not squeezing tightly but rather pressing your face into his neck, letting out a wretched sob. He ran his hand up and down your back soothingly as you cried, letting you get your emotions out. 

You rocked back on your knees, so you were sitting more so on his thighs rather than his lap. You gasped, wiping your tears with the sleeve of the jumper Remus had given you. "Can I keep this?" You gestured to your clothing. He nodded, keeping his hands at the base of your thighs, where the skin hardened over your kneecaps. You inhaled a full breath, "Look at me, I'm such a mess. It's your last night here and I'm bawling my eyes out." You attempted to chuckle. 

"You're my mess, love, always have been always will be." That much Remus could promise you. "Come on, lets lie you down, yeah? You must be exhausted." 

You blushed, and returned yourself to the position you began in, leaned up against Remus, clinging to him. "As much as I love these tender moments between us, I don't know how I'll survive without being able to shag you every night." 

Remus chuckled, his left hand reaching around your form to the lining of your shorts. "I didn't want to ruin the moment, but I was wondering the same thing." His fingers traced idle circular patterns into your skin. 

You looked him up and down, reaching up to kiss him softly, groaning when the kiss deepened. "We still have all night, Remus." You tutted when he made moves to stand up, "I _know_ you're still sore from last night, let me treat you." 

He complied, but shifted up only slightly onto the pile of pillows below him. You pulled back the covers, revealing his choice of clothes for that night, a simple pair of deep red boxers. You lazily kissed him, small moans being elicited from the both of you as you continued your make out. Your hand drifted south, drifting over broken and healed skin before coming to rest atop his boxers. Breaking away Remus asked, "Are you sure Y/N? I can take over if yo-" 

"It's quite fine Remus, I want to see the stress roll off of you when you cum. I want to make sure you're safe and sound, you've had a rough couple of days." You tried not to sound too eager, but you couldn't hide the fact that you were eager to make some of his pain leave for a few short hours. He said nothing as you gently cupped his cock through his boxers, kissing the other parts of his body slowly. 

With Remus' cock slowly hardening you removed his boxers entirely, releasing a half-hard erection nestled by light brown hair. You spat into your hand, not wanting to cause Remus any more pain. You reached up to kiss him again, tongue slipping into his mouth occasionally and for a moment you forgot about the world, and your new found troubles. He leant back for a moment, sheepish when asking for your touch, quietly, "I don't want to be a pain, love, but -"

"Oh right! Sorry!" You giggled, returning your hand to his cock, eliciting a sharp groan from him. "That better?" He managed to nod, his head rolling back into the stack of pillows. You pumped him, swirling your wrist as you went. You smiled down at him, coated in moonlight, scars illuminated - new and old. His chest heaved whenever you squeezed him right, a sight you would never fail to miss. His thighs quivered as you quickened your pace on his cock, his body beginning to get restless. Feeling your own arousal begin to seep through the flimsy fabric of your shorts, you stopped your hand movements, urging Remus to sit up more. "I know, I know," You retorted when he whined at the loss of contact, "Just sit up for me, It'll be better for the both of us." 

When Remus was upright you straddled him softly, hips just resting above his. Knowing you had no prep, you sunk very carefully and slowly onto his cock, the stretch was painful but there was enough of your juices to make the transition smooth. If you had all the time in the world, which you unfortunately didn't, either you or Remus would have made quick work on opening you up, making sure you would be as comfortable as possible. While you controlled the pace and depth at which you rode Remus, he was just happy to be with you. Your shorts had been flung off in the process of straddling him, and when you made quick work to shed your sweater, Remus stopped you. "I like seeing you in my clothes, keep it on, for me?" 

You nodded, sinking further and hissing when the pain overrode the pleasure. Remus had come to snake his hands up your sweater, holding you close, his forehead pressed into the crook between your neck and collarbone. "So good for me Remus," You gasped as you sunk far enough that your hips were joined. "So good filling me up, yeah?" Your head was rolled back, eyes clenched shut and rambling words you knew would boost his self esteem. 

"I love you Remus, yeah, love you so much," You gasped, sliding up and down on your knees to avoid Remus any pain. "Fuck, Rem, gonna miss you so much." Both the emotion and arousal heightening. You noticed quickly after you had quickened your pace just how quiet Remus was. When you craned your neck and head back to see why you saw the red puff of his cheeks. 

Stopping immediately you questioned him, "Love, I'm right here, you're okay." You slid off him completely, coming to his side, worrying it was the pain that had forced tears out of him. Remus let out a wracked sob, clutching your hands where they held his face. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

It took him a moment to calm his sobs, pressing his forehead into yours. "S-orry," He hiccupped, "All the emotions, they all caught up to me, I don't want to lose you."

Your heart soared, "I know, it's okay, lie down for me, love. You're safe." 

He complied, knowing there wasn't much he could do to reject your idea. You pulled the covers up over the both of you, and ushered him into your space. He tucked his head into the fabric of your sweater, some tears still falling as your bodies slotted together like puzzle pieces. You soothed the back of his head reassuringly, knowing he'd fall asleep quicker than you. In the morning you knew he'd try and put on a brave face, apologizing for the night before and you'd sooth him like you did tonight. Glancing down you noticed that slumber took your lover, and you let yourself relax, hoping you'd get a peaceful sleep before tomorrow. 

In the end, when you'd kissed goodbye that next morning you knew it wasn't going to be forever.

**Author's Note:**

> not more lupin smut (if you can really call it that neither of them finish)  
> hope you enjoyed this! i enjoyed writing something more calm/soft lol
> 
> my tumblr @ is dropdeaddeadass if you want to follow me/request stuff  
> it's just be an easier way to reach me!
> 
> i can promise that the next few fics won't be mxf or just remus or ron based lol  
> kudos and comments are much appreciated!


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